Dec 14 10 days til Christmas Eve

Hello, it has been a while since I have written but sooooo much has been happening since my last post.  I went for a pet scan and they saw something that concerned them so then I had to go for a biopsy and praise the Lord it was all negative!!!!!  I am cancer free right now and I will get another check up via cat scan at the end of Feb so Merry Christmas to me and all my loved ones and family and friends.  I am such a lucky woman and am so grateful for all the support and love I have gotten from so many people.  I could not of gotten through this if it wasn't for the people who sent me encouraging words and prayers.  Please keep people in your prayers who have cancer, I just found out that a very dear friend of mine who beat breast cancer now has lung cancer, the same I had, so one battle won and one more to fight.    She survived four and a half years and I told her technology has gotten so much better to fight the fight and she too will make it though,  I finally have fuzz on the top of my head and I am so excited to see what grows.  I wish I could spend Christmas with my sister and brother in law, my niece and nephews and my beautiful great nephews and brand new great niece but finances won't allow it and we have received our family present by me being clean from cancer.  Hopefully next year, hopefully hopefully sooner! Merry Christmas to all and a very happy New Year to you and your loved ones, may it be filled with peace and joy.

Happy Halloween!!

Went to both Dr's today, chemo and radiologist and was released by both until I get a pet scan on Nov 29.  Yippy!!! No more chemo or radiation.  I have to go for the next couple of weeks to get blood checked but that's all.  It seemed like this day would never come, but the most important is getting a good pet scan.  The Dr said I should start getting some hair back in about 6 weeks.  God, I can't wait.   I have no eyebrows, eyelashes or hair anywhere!  It's horrible!  Last week I had my last chemo and the next day I had a blood transfusion, instead of the shot and that worked out for me alot better.  So that is where it stands right now, and I am happy, so I will wait for 3-4 weeks and pray for the best.  Thank you to all who have cared and please keep me in your prayers I need it.  For those who call and check on me Thank you.

Oct 18

Well it has been a long time since I wrote but that last chemo just about killed me.  It was 5 hours long total and then the next day I had to go for a shot which they said would make my joints ache.  Ache they did and then some, everywhere, I could barely walk and get out of bed and I took pain pills, half of what they per scribed and that constipated me for 4 days.  I really thought I was on my last days.  I am still not feeling well and it has now been two and a half weeks and I am suppose to go through this again next Monday.  I have had to go the last two Monday's and get my blood drawn and my counts keep going down but they don't seem to be to concerned.  I have a cough that makes me feel like I have smoked a pack of cigs a day, and I am not smoking!  I told the nurse all of this yesterday about how I was feeling and she said if it got any worse to let them know.  I DO NOT WANT TO DO MY LAST TREATMENT!!!!!!!!  I am so burned and tired and achy and bald, my hair follicles hurt all over my head,  I am having trouble eating and I am losing weight, things are getting so loose on me.  I sleep for two hours and then up to the bathroom, drink lots of water and back to sleep for two hours.  I want this all to end.  I want to know that somethings good has happened from all this, I want to see some test results!!!

Well, I guess I will just have to wait until next Monday and see what the Dr. says.  Thanks for all the well wishes and thoughts and prayers.  Until next time......

Sept 28

I have not been able to write for a while because I hit a brick wall, literally, that is what it felt like.  I could not move, I could not talk, I could barely breathe, I thought I was really dieing.  Four days of that and on  day five I said to Dennis, take me to the emergency room.  My blood count was very very low and I had to get a blood transfusion.  It has been almost two weeks and I am now just starting to feel a little bit better, still real tired and can take a nap at a drop of the hat.  I am done with radiation, thank god,  it took forever to get the last two treatments in but I finally finished last Friday.  Now on Monday I start a new chemo.  This three different kinds and altogether will take about five hours to sit through.  I am not looking forward to that.  Then I will be off for three weeks and then get another one of these treatments if this one doesn't do to me what the last ones did.  Prayers are always welcome, thank you. 

Mon Sept 12 2011

Hip Hip Hooray, Hip Hip Hooray, I am done with chemo for 3 whole weeks.  I have 3 radiations left and then I am done for 3 whole wonderful, glorious weeks.  Can I be any happier, (well only if I was told I would be a grandmother again, but hell, its great to be able to spoil my one and only, turning 10 on the 17th.)  The Dr called off my last one because I am doing good on treatment but my cell count is so low and wants time to bring it up before the mother of chemos happens in 3 weeks.  The next one will be 5-6 hours long. Ugh!  But I hope so worth it.  And I still have a little hair, thank you mama!  Even my Dr was surprised but it's not much and it hurts so bad to have it touched. 

Had a great time with my girlfriends on the beach this weekend, sorry I couldn't keep up like the old days.

Thank you to all the friends and acquaintances who have sent me love and support, please don't stop because I truly need it and it has helped so much to get me through this,  I have never been alone because of you all.

Sept 5 Labor Day

It has been a fabulous weekend,  my wonderful daughter surprised me and my sweet babycakes granddaughter to a pedicure and manicure.  I haven't had one one of those for 4 years and it felt so good.  Thank you so much my sweet Jenny girl.  We had a wonderful cookout at our friend Paul's and even the rain could not stop the fun!  On Sunday we went to a fairwell party for the best bartender the ever has existed from the old Channelmark, Stacie, who is moving to Oregon (really? are you kindding me), you will be back I just know it.  What a party that was, talk about a woman who is truly loved, it is her.  It was so wonderful to see all the people that supported and showed up for her.  As the saying goes, It takes a village and we all were a village.
I am getting more run down, maybe it is from the weekend, but I feel I am losing more and more blood cells.  Chemo at 10:00 and then radiation. 
This weekend one of my very best girlfriends is turning 50 and she is hoping to get together for fun on the beach.  I do too! 
Week 5 here I come lets do it!!

Labor Day Weekend

It is Thursday before Labor Day and I will have a three day weekend as many people will but mine will be free of no radiation and chemo for one extra day.  I am pretty sure next week will suck because of the shortness of time.  It really does take the whole week to get this stuff out of your system.  My hair is falling out like crazy now and it is driving me crazy.  It itches so bad.  I go out every morning on my porch and brush it cause it is so loose and I cry.  I only wash it once a week because it comes  out in my hands and I cry.  I had such beautiful hair and everybody says, Oh it will grow back, but it hurts, it just hurts!  I can not sit in front of a fan or even walk in front of one that my hair does not  blow off my head.  I don't want to wear a cap or a turban because that only pulls more out when you take it off. 

Our cat is really sick, we have maxed out our credit cards trying to find out whats wrong with him but the vets don't seem to know.  We can't pay to have him put down right now, it costs to much.  I think he is sick because I am sick.  What to do???

I want to thank everyone who has sent cards and thoughts and prayers my way.  I can not express how much it means to me.  You are all so kind.  Three weeks left and hopefully I will be on my way back.  Three weeks, I am counting the days, hours and minutes.

I did not get this from smoking alone, my mom and dad both died of cancer.  It is in our genes.  I know it was a  contributor, and I look and people smoking at a bar and I want to yell at them and I have to bite my tongue.  I want a cure for cancer, I want an answer of why it has invaded our lives. I want a cure, beside taking this poison of chemo and radiation.  Most of all I want to have my tests come back that I am clean when this is all over with,  as one Dr. said to me, we can not guarantee thay won't come back but we will try to get rid of it now.  I truly do not know if I can ever go through this again, only time will tell.

Week 5

Had chemo and radiation yesterday.  I am down to 3 chemos with 2  three weeks after I finish this round and 10 radiations.   My hair is almost all gone, my sister and I are so lucky that our mother blessed us with a thick head of hair.  People keep telling me to wait til it starts to grow back, you just don't know what you are going to end up with.  I sure hope I get the thickness back! 

Week 4

Went to see both Dr's Monday,  chemo Dr said everything was going good so far and was surprised I hadn't lost all my hair.  It has thinned out A LOT but not completely gone yet and maybe it won't be.  Had my 4 hour drip and then went to radiation and saw the Dr after that.  He said the same thing, we are half way down the road and hoping everything is doing it's job.  The radiation place called yesterday and said the machine broke down so I am back to 15 more visits there.  The worst side effects happen Tue, Wed & Thurs and it is mainly stomach problems.  I am experiencing a little tightness on the right side of my throat due to the radiation and it is sometimes hard to swallow.  I had a horrible night last night, coughing and stuffiness, hope I am not getting a cold.  All in all another week half way over.
Thank you to everyone for your support and kind words, I really do appreciate it.  My best friend here sends me an encouragement card every week and it is so nice of her.

I think I am half way there

It will be day 15 tomorrow for radiation and day 4 of chemo.  I think I am half way there to the end.  I just watched the movie  Dear John, great movie.  I had a wonderful weekend with my sweet babycakes, daughter, her boyfriend and his son.  He is a wonderful father and his son is such a great kid.  I am very thankful for what is going on in my children's lives right now.  I pray it lasts for both of them.  We had a beautiful unit, it was so kind of my friend.  The kids loved the pool and we ate our way through the whole weekend.  It was so wonderful.  I am now officially losing my hair.  It is driving me crazy because I can run my fingers through it and I can feel it coming out in my nails.  It is weird.  Tomorrow I will see the chemo Dr and see if I can get a treatment,  I really do not want to get a shot in my stomach to get white blood cells back in me,  I have tried to eat but it is getting harder and harder.  Swallowing is getting harder to we'll see whathappens tomorrow, in the mean time, it was a wonderful weekend and I will be forever grateful for my friends.
s

Day 13

So far so good this week.  Chemo went pretty well, I'm getting more used to it.  Started up another baby blanket.  It makes time go by a little quicker.  My white blood cell  count is going down along with my red.  I am trying to eat good. Yesterday we did a Ruby Tuesday salad bar and I ate lots of the edimonies(?) soy bean.  I can tell my interest in food is diminishing but force myself to eat I will.  Thankfully I think I am doing pretty well, not getting nauseated or real sick from any thing so far.  I'm almost half way through!

Week 3 Day 11

Today I go for my 3rd chemo drip.  I hate Monday's.  I go at 11:30 and it lasts about 4 hours for 5 or 6 bags of drip.  Then at 4:20 I go to radiation.  Kinda takes up a whole day.  It was so nice having the weekend off, not having to run to any appointments.  I'm loving the weekends!  Wish I had some kind of game to play while I sit there, my crocheting isn't going to well and its kinda hard to do with a needle in your hand.  I tried big print crossword puzzles but I'm not real good at that either.  I am afraid this week is going to get a little bit rougher.  I can tell that my hair is changing and I think by next weekend I will start seeing patches of baldness.  I am going to go make myself a good brunch of egg salad, tuna salad, berries, watermelon and some cheese.  That should help me get through the afternoon.

Day byi day

I don't know that I really want to write or have anything to say.  The last 24 hours have been really rough.  I had a wonderful lunch yesterday, soup and sand, but as soon as I got home I got sick.  Take more meds.  Then went for radiation and they said I needed to start coming in at 12:30.  Well, we were just starting to get into a time routine, but, so went today at that time and then they say I need to see a nutritionist.  She said I needed to make sure I was eating what they wanted me to on a list they gave me. Came home from that and got sick, really sick, again.  My chest is on fire, my stomach is on fire, more meds, tums,  prylosec, xanax, prunes,  I don't know what else.  We are suppose to go to a BBQ on Sat and I am afraid I am not gonna make it.  And a very dear and close friend of mine gave me next weekend a two night 3 day stay at Harbour House on the beach.  I am suppose to go with Jenny, Kaela, Dennis, Jennys friend for the weekend before Kaela begins school.   I am so looking forward to it cause Kaela and I love the crab legs app at the Yucatan but I am scared I am going to be sick.  This radiation is burring the hell out of my chest.  Someone, please put out the fire!!  I am getting more and more tired everyday and so at 8 o'clock I will say goodnight.  I don't know if I can keep this up, if I am going to be able to get through all these treatments, please give me positive thoughts and prayers.  I really need them right now.  Thanks

Day 8

Yesterday was crazy, had eye Dr. appointment, then came and sat around for radiation appointment at 3:30.  As they took me in they said I was to see the Dr afterwords.  That scared me a little bit, but found out they will see me once a week.  I told them I was having a burning feeling around where I am tattooed at because that is where they are targeting the radiation, they said that was normal because it was next to the esophogus and causing irritation,   If I am figuring right I should only have 24 radiation treatments left and 6 chemo.  I am starting to get a little more relaxed about the radiation.  I know as soon as I hear 3 or 4 clicks of what sounds like a camera taking a picture I am done.  About 15 - 20 minutes total.  I had a rough night last night with some coughing that began shortly after we left the radiation.  It has been 7 weeks since the surgery and I am just now starting to get feeling back on my right chest side.  I think some of the coughing is from that.  I did not suffer with the stomach cramps today as I did last week but I think that is because I am trying to eat right, drinking lots of fluids, and eating smaller but more often portions throughout the day.  That does include a chocolate cupcake from public once in a while. 

Thank you to all my friends who have sent me wonderful cards and encouraging words.  I love you so!

Day ?

It was so nice having a weekend off from treatments.  We always have to be somewhere at a certain time and I know it so hard on Dennis.  He is a Limo driver and gets paid for these kind of runs.  Today ran us into 5 plus hours and he was so bored.  They started my chemo today at 1:45 and it ran 4 hours, I told them I had to be at radiation and 3:30 and they said that wasn't going to happen so they called and made sure I got in as soon as I was done from chemo.  I had some trouble with one of the chemo drugs, I started coughing and chocking on it so they gave me more benedryl.  I am now up to 6 different intravenous drug in a 4 hour period.  It is crazy.  Radiation was easier today because of all the drugs from chemo.  God an eye Dr appointment to see if I can get some help with eye meds.  All my life seems like a circle, round and round.  That's from a wonderful song  Harry Chapin song from the Gold Metal Collection call "Circle".  And I have decided my favorite song for right now is :Take the long way home"  from Supertramp, that's exactly what I am going to do!  I am zooming from the drugs so I need to go take more meds to start to chill so I can sleep.  Tomorrow is another day and thank God I will be here to see it.

Day 5

I wrote something yesterday, day 4, but somehow lost it.  It is so nice to havre two days off here of radiation.  Yesterday even though I had skipped Thursday, it was extremely nerve racking,  I was so tensed up and I even took a pill.  It smells in that room  and I get a bad taste in my mouth and I think it bothers me because I am so clostophobic.  I am not totally enclosed but the paddles and the sound of it all tenses me so.  Slept so good last night.  My Jenny girl is coming over and we are going to get something to eat on the beach.  I have coupons for buy one get one free.  We haven't done that in a long time.  I wish Kaela could join us, I miss her so,  I think I see her less now than when they lived in MO.  Capt Mike took a beautiful picture of the back bay for me that I want to try to use as a heading for the top of my page, just need to figure out how to do that.  Off to enjoy the afternoon!

Day 4

I woke up feeling so sick to my stomach today.  I have not taken the nausea medicine yet cause I did not feel like I needed it yet.  I woke up this morning to Dennis not in bed with me, he was asleep on the couch, which we do not do, but he said he wanted me to get a good nights sleep.  About an hour before I was suppose to go to my radiation they called and said the machine had broken down and could I come much later, I said no,  I really needed a break and thank god I got it.    Tomorrow is another day,

Day 3

Well, it's day three and I woke up this morning with my head hurting from my haircut.  I am so used to sitting up and putting my hair in a ponytail before my feet hit the floor.  Then I suffered severely from constipation, I mean more severe than after child birth or any operation.  I should of taken the stool softener earlier but I did not know which I would suffer with, constipation or diarrhea.  I wish I could of made a choice.  Did not want to go to radiation at all.  Did not feel well most of the day and did not want to lay in the bed for this.  I ask them to turn the music up, I figure 3 - 4 songs equals the 10 minutes they say I am in there, but I find I count the whole time, today I reached 534, yesterday it was 489, now go figure that.  I told Dennis I think I better start taking a Xanax before I go there anymore.  Here we go, more drugs.  I can not wait until Sat and Sun when I do not have to go to this radiation place.  It doesn't help that we have a sick cat either.  Dennis had to go and get him more medicine today.  I think the cat is sick because I am sick.  Oh well, on to tomorrow and then only one more radiation and I have 2 days off.

Day Two

Well, day two was taunting.  I had to go and make copies of all my paperwork to try to get financial help with all the medical bills and had to make copies.  I went up to the Chamber to make the copies and just got overwhelmed with all the paperwork and different places that needed what kind of info.  I could tell that all the medicine that I had put in me yesterday from the chemo had me soaring.  I went and got my hair cut real short, just in case, it will always grow.  This was day two of radiation, still uncomfortable but quick.  On to day three.  I told Dennis I am down to 7 chemo treatments and 28 radiology treatments left.  YEAH!!!!!!