Sept 28

I have not been able to write for a while because I hit a brick wall, literally, that is what it felt like.  I could not move, I could not talk, I could barely breathe, I thought I was really dieing.  Four days of that and on  day five I said to Dennis, take me to the emergency room.  My blood count was very very low and I had to get a blood transfusion.  It has been almost two weeks and I am now just starting to feel a little bit better, still real tired and can take a nap at a drop of the hat.  I am done with radiation, thank god,  it took forever to get the last two treatments in but I finally finished last Friday.  Now on Monday I start a new chemo.  This three different kinds and altogether will take about five hours to sit through.  I am not looking forward to that.  Then I will be off for three weeks and then get another one of these treatments if this one doesn't do to me what the last ones did.  Prayers are always welcome, thank you. 

Mon Sept 12 2011

Hip Hip Hooray, Hip Hip Hooray, I am done with chemo for 3 whole weeks.  I have 3 radiations left and then I am done for 3 whole wonderful, glorious weeks.  Can I be any happier, (well only if I was told I would be a grandmother again, but hell, its great to be able to spoil my one and only, turning 10 on the 17th.)  The Dr called off my last one because I am doing good on treatment but my cell count is so low and wants time to bring it up before the mother of chemos happens in 3 weeks.  The next one will be 5-6 hours long. Ugh!  But I hope so worth it.  And I still have a little hair, thank you mama!  Even my Dr was surprised but it's not much and it hurts so bad to have it touched. 

Had a great time with my girlfriends on the beach this weekend, sorry I couldn't keep up like the old days.

Thank you to all the friends and acquaintances who have sent me love and support, please don't stop because I truly need it and it has helped so much to get me through this,  I have never been alone because of you all.

Sept 5 Labor Day

It has been a fabulous weekend,  my wonderful daughter surprised me and my sweet babycakes granddaughter to a pedicure and manicure.  I haven't had one one of those for 4 years and it felt so good.  Thank you so much my sweet Jenny girl.  We had a wonderful cookout at our friend Paul's and even the rain could not stop the fun!  On Sunday we went to a fairwell party for the best bartender the ever has existed from the old Channelmark, Stacie, who is moving to Oregon (really? are you kindding me), you will be back I just know it.  What a party that was, talk about a woman who is truly loved, it is her.  It was so wonderful to see all the people that supported and showed up for her.  As the saying goes, It takes a village and we all were a village.
I am getting more run down, maybe it is from the weekend, but I feel I am losing more and more blood cells.  Chemo at 10:00 and then radiation. 
This weekend one of my very best girlfriends is turning 50 and she is hoping to get together for fun on the beach.  I do too! 
Week 5 here I come lets do it!!

Labor Day Weekend

It is Thursday before Labor Day and I will have a three day weekend as many people will but mine will be free of no radiation and chemo for one extra day.  I am pretty sure next week will suck because of the shortness of time.  It really does take the whole week to get this stuff out of your system.  My hair is falling out like crazy now and it is driving me crazy.  It itches so bad.  I go out every morning on my porch and brush it cause it is so loose and I cry.  I only wash it once a week because it comes  out in my hands and I cry.  I had such beautiful hair and everybody says, Oh it will grow back, but it hurts, it just hurts!  I can not sit in front of a fan or even walk in front of one that my hair does not  blow off my head.  I don't want to wear a cap or a turban because that only pulls more out when you take it off. 

Our cat is really sick, we have maxed out our credit cards trying to find out whats wrong with him but the vets don't seem to know.  We can't pay to have him put down right now, it costs to much.  I think he is sick because I am sick.  What to do???

I want to thank everyone who has sent cards and thoughts and prayers my way.  I can not express how much it means to me.  You are all so kind.  Three weeks left and hopefully I will be on my way back.  Three weeks, I am counting the days, hours and minutes.

I did not get this from smoking alone, my mom and dad both died of cancer.  It is in our genes.  I know it was a  contributor, and I look and people smoking at a bar and I want to yell at them and I have to bite my tongue.  I want a cure for cancer, I want an answer of why it has invaded our lives. I want a cure, beside taking this poison of chemo and radiation.  Most of all I want to have my tests come back that I am clean when this is all over with,  as one Dr. said to me, we can not guarantee thay won't come back but we will try to get rid of it now.  I truly do not know if I can ever go through this again, only time will tell.